Quote # Someone rightly said that Negativity dominates our life 70% of the time & has a stronger impact on human body & mind than the positive.
I have been travelling & meeting different people not only of my profession but also from many different & diversified professions. On 4th April, as I finished my run of 14 km ( one of my personal best for 10 km) at a very beautiful Miles square park in Fountain Valley-CA, I came across a gentleman who was hitting trees with his legs. Out of curiosity, I happened to ask him “what’s troubling you?”.He mentioned “his setback” and was possibly looking for helping hand. I asked him “how about having conversation about your setback?” He eagerly agreed to it & asked me “do I have setbacks? & if yes, how do I handle it”
We ended up having 90 min conversation; I will put down my own learning & experience of coaching someone who is going through deep rooted setback.
We started with some deep breathing & walking in the nature. We took our conversation to whole new different level. I asked him how about doing exactly opposite to what he was doing? I.e. Treat Setback with Kindness & Respect vs cribbing about it.
We agreed to think together to have a business model or Life model for handling “Setbacks”.
Setbacks are part of our experience and growth. I have not seen any successful human being with zero setbacks. Instead Size of your success is proportional to Size of your Setbacks. Do we ever observe how we deal our setbacks. I have always hated myself for every setback until I realize that “setbacks” have contributed most to my growth than anything else. How can you hate something that is helping you grow? I started to embrace, love my setback.I have meditated & journal over my setback..
Quote # In order to heal your setback, you need to feel your setback.
We discussed about an interesting statistics that negative impact of setback in our work is three times as powerful in affecting motivation than positive Progress. It’s just easier to remember the bad stuff that has happened to you during the day than the good.
Our discussion shifted to WHY our brains have such a negativity bias? As we took a deep breath & reflected on it , it seems brains are wired to pay more attention to negative experience. Our mind is constantly scanning for setbacks, threat, fear & catching people doing things wrong. This causes spiral of thoughts & negative feedback loop that doesn’t reflect reality.
Next ,we looked at the nature of setbacks, and what we can do to make them a positive part of our life.If we believe enough, we can find a simple model to manage our setbacks.
He mentioned that everytime he gets setback , it puts him into vicious cycle of shame. I respectfully mentioned that I have a different opinion I.e what you resist persists so why not embrace your setback & treat them with Respect.Atleast ,lets make an attempt..
We agreed that lets figure out some simple steps together to manage our Setbacks. How would you manage your setbacks? I would do following below to address my Setbacks..
- Expect setbacks – Lets accept that growth & change take time, and often frequent tries. So instead of avoiding or running away from your setbacks , why not welcome them with respect & learn from it?
- Design your self-care Model – I run , meditate, do yoga, journal or listen or read inspirational books.These Blissiplines help me lot & can certainly help him & others..
- Shift in Perspective – By reacting negative to our setback , we make our setback stronger. Moment we take responsibility and embrace our Setback , We become more powerful, stronger and begin to see dramatic growth in our self.
- Practice Kindness & Gratitude – Someone right said that any day above the ground is a great day. So why focus about our setback vs focus on all great things that we have.
- Identify warning sign of your setback & start acting on it immediately. The sooner you can catch yourself in a setback, the sooner you can get yourself back on track.
- Remind my self of my Big 5 & life goal.The moment I re-look at my values & life goal , I get happier..
- Realize you’re human. We’re all imperfect; it’s part of being human. Remind yourself that setbacks happen to everyone. It’s okay to make mistakes. You’re not alone.
- Seek out support – If you’re feeling badly about yourself for “screwing up,” your first instinct may be to hide in a hole. But this is exactly the time when you need to reach out to your support system. Go to your inner circle , mastermind group , coach or mentor..I often remind myself that life is not linear. Don’t think you have to progress in a perfectly linear fashion.
- Have a positive affirmation for different occasions. For Setback , lets remind our self that “Be not afraid of going slowly, be afraid only of standing still.”So move on.
It was a great conversation, a great learning & my 1st experience of coaching a complete stranger. In the end, I did feel great that I could impact someone’s life positively.
I got a great satisfaction, fulfillment & learning from the interaction. Imagine if we all begin to help each other with our positive attitude, a world will be far better place.
Someone rightly said that we need more Positive leader than Smart leader.
Thank you Thank you & Thank you for reading.
Have an Awesome life ahead.
Awesome Quote # “The larger the monetary reward, the poorer the performance. – money doesn’t motivate us, at all, instead emotions do.”